thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
