you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk is not a location!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
