I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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