Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
