Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
