yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
