Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
