You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize