How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing