In the future we'll all be gay
I am puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today