Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.