wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess