im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.