He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.