This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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