ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You have to summon your inner elephant
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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