Already got asked if we're dating
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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