I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
