It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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