Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
