i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
