how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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