My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
