just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
