Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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