I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
