in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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