the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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