I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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