Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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