at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
