apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
