I faked an abortion last night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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