i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight