omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.