the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
