TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
