So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
