You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
