what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
