marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
40s are totally the cure
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
