epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want is dick and wine.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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