The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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