I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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