I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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