i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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