I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
