I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
