Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
bring money and cleavage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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