i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.