Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
