dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
