It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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