from now on my penis is your penis
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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