I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
