My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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