Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
