as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
