She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
