You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
