the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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