You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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