New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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